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Showing posts from May, 2015

Carry-On Luggage Politics

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Airlines are mad at you.You don’t understand that the plane has feelings.It cannot fly if it is heavy, with y’all having 20 kg bags as carry-on luggage. I stopped flying myself because of airport security and all that jazz of taking off my clothes in public, but I miss the drama about luggage. My favourite is watching travellers on the floor, removing items from bags because they are over the weight limit.What I like is that most of the time the contents look like a second hand store clothes’ bin. They were just shoved in, not packed nicely like T-shirts in a Donna Karan store.Please don’t take it personally.I’m just making conversation. Anyway, carry-on luggage needs someone who is good with figures.Centimetres.Inches.It is all Greek to me.This is important because airlines have certain specifications for carry-on luggage.Let’s say 53 cm x 23 cm x 38 cm, like West Jet. I think airlines want you to take a fashion designer’s tape and measure the bag you will take on the plane with you.You …

Egghead Followers and Omelettes

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I have so many egg followers, I cannot decide what kind of omelette to make: cheese, ham, spinach, salmon, asparagus, Russian sausage and all related sausages, rice, or just plain scrambled eggs.

I’m contemplating removing my online photo to keep up with the times.Social networking is dead because I don’t have to follow a real person. Egg-working is trending.This used to bother me so much, I was nearly arrested for staring at folks. Is that bus driver my recent egg follower?Maybe it is that pharmacist who ignored me for ten minutes at Shoppers Drug Mart on Marion Road.

How about the Tim Hortons' cashier on Broadway who showed me with a frown, the line for placing orders, when I was waiting at the paid and pick-up section with four other people?  Is it that homeless guy who sleeps under the bridge, or the maitre d' of that posh restaurant, part of my egg-nation?It cannot be the policeman in the police cruiser becauseI’m one of the people the police calls for back-up when they see th…

Quit Swearing Will Ya?

Swearing in public is not allowed.Even Google, Yahoo and Bing do not tolerate it.Folks that swear online hide behind their dogs’ photos or eggs.Y’all anonymous. Have you ever been a tourist somewhere and a local calls you names?You turned around and said; You, too! Remember the shock in his face?Classic!Serves him right.You cannot assume that that this person looks Japanese, so he does not know Swahili, or vice versa.Danger! You don’t know what I look like, because I am incognito.I’m online hiding from past and present misdemeanors. Anyway, careful what you say around me because I might know your language.For whatever reason, swear words are the first things I pick up, when I come across a new language. Whatever you do, do not call me names in Hindi, Yoruba and Jamaican.I have seen too many films, from these language neighbourhoods, so I know stuff.The Jamaican swear word is even worse.You do not want to think about its origin. Trust me. Swear words with African Americans is quite simple, n…