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Showing posts from November, 2016

No Socks For Christmas Please

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I know that stores make good money selling socks, because they are one of the popular, last minute Christmas gift ideas.I don’t want them.
If engaged people can tell guests, through bridal registries to buy wedding gifts from stores like Nordstrom, Harrods or Tiffany, I don’t see why I can’t have a list of things I don’t want for Christmas.Is there a bridal registry in Dollarama?
You have a pretty good idea about how loved ones, friends and colleagues don’t love you as much as you love them, but you don’t want to receive gifts that confirm it.
·Christmas socks, gloves, dishcloths or anything with Santa Claus on it.
·Box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates you bought while waiting in line for the cashier at the drugstore/chemist.
·Morning slippers.It doesn’t matter whether they are from Walmart or Holt Renfrew.
·Box of an assortment of nuts.
·A set of 4 men’s ties.
What I would like for Christmas is a coffee mug with that great photo you took of me, us, the dog or the old house, when we moved.


Einstein Passengers

Being a passenger is very stressful.

You must listen to the owner of the car, nod and grumble yes to everything he says because you don’t want to piss him off. Two things can happen if you disagree with the driver: he can lose concentration and you all end up in a mash-up accident or stop the car and ask you to get out.

That is the driver’s prerogative.You must listen to me if you are a passenger in my car.Let’s flip the script for a minute and sympathise with the driver if she has a passenger who is more intelligent than Albert Einstein. He talks non-stop.It is all about himself, how right he is, how good he is, how stupid his boss is. Einstein is also a driving instructor.

“Careful.Look at that guy.Is he crazy or something?” says Einstein.
Einstein is the unofficial pilot. He presses imaginary brakes in the passenger seat when the driver stops abruptly for a guy who is texting on his bicycle. A certain Einstein took it to another level.She told me that buying a car was a waste of money bec…

Organic Brussels Sprouts

I don't know English very well because it has so many tentacles.

There's Lagos English in Nigeria, English used by lawyers, English for electricians, English for civil servants, doctors, baby talk, politicians, computer programmers, Google or health fanatics. 

People who pump iron or run on treadmills also have their own English sautéed with words like low fat, calories, gluten, antioxidants, organic, etcetera. 

I don't speak the 'workout' English because cash on my plastic cards, calls the shots.  When I'm broke I pick up the little supermarket basket.  You know I'm rich for a few days when you see me behind that trolley.

What is organic?  Should i trust the supermarket manager who has a big yellow sign, ORGANIC ASPARAGUS?

Bad example.  I don't do asparagus.  Life is too short for self-torture.  Not asparagus thanks very much. 

The only organic thing i can vouch for is organic banana.  The taste between non-organic and organic banana is like high s…