Showing posts from 2017

Facebook Friends and Enemies

Facebook has a business rival.It is FRIENDS AND ENEMIES, my latest project.Forget Twitter, Instagram and other platforms that have ‘friends’ as the foundation.I’m developing something that is more realistic, which is the cold fact that enemies used to be friends.
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES will be the new social media sensation because enemies will pour their guts out.For example, how John and Mary used to be tight like the tongue and saliva, but she dumped him when she won the Miss Universe contest.
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES will give us the reason why somebody ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook.Maybe I genuinely forgot to invite her to my son’s wedding, attended by the country’s crème de la crème. That hurt her a great deal because when we were poor, we once fantasized about what we would wear, at our kids’ weddings.Facebook doesn’t have a little box that explains why someone unfriends me.They should.

FRIENDS AND ENEMIES will take the saying: don’t get mad get even, to another level.FRIENDS AND ENEMIES wil…

Zulu Khuluma

Khuluma is to speak, to talk.Two or more people can have a conversation.We also see folks talking to themselves on the street.No.They are not crazy, just broke.You’ll never see Bill Gates talking to himself, counting his billions. Khu- as in the English word could.Lu- as in look. -ma- as in manna.

ZULU ENGLISH Khuluma. Ngilalele. Speak or talk.I’m listening. Khuluma naye Boris. Talk to her Boris. Khuluma naye Femi. Talk to him Femi. Khuluma naye Samir. Talk to him Samir. Ngi-khuluma nawe. I’m talking to you. U-mama ukhuluma nawe. Ma is talking to you. Baya-khuluma. They are talking. Khuluma kancane. Speak softly. (especially when baby is asleep) U-yathanda uku-khuluma. She likes talking. Ba-yathanda uku-khuluma. They like talking.

Zulu Ipha

Zulu Ipha
I-pha is to give freely.It’s important to stress freely, because ordinary giving has another word in the language called isiZulu.
I-pha is the verb, to do something, to give freely.Isipho is the noun.Isipho is a gift.
The first part is pronounced as in e-books.The second part -pha as in palm tree.
ZULU ENGLISH Sipho. A gift.A boy’s name. Nosipho. A gift.A girl’s name. Ngi-phe. Please give me. Mu-phe.Udadewenu. Give it to her.She is your sister. Ngi-phiwe u-Nancy. It was a gift from Nancy. Ngi-phiwe u-Langa. It was a gift from Langa. Ngi-phiwe u-Svetlana. It was a gift from Svetlana. O-mama baya-phana. Mothers are generous.They give freely. Uya-phana.

Zulu Khokha

Zulu Khokha
Khokha is to pay for school, food, gas, insurance, pastors, the government, cell phones or cars.
·Kho …… as in cough
·Kha …… as in car
Zulu English Khokha ndoda. Pay up, man! Khokha manje. Pay now. Khokha intela. Pay the rent. Khokha nge-credit card. Pay with a credit card. Khokha ngembuzi. Pay with a goat. Kuya-khokhwa. There’s an admission fee. Ngizo khokha ebhasini. I will pay on the bus. Khokha-ni. Pay up. Khokhe-lani izingane. Pay for the children.

You can also say khokhe-la.

Khokhe-la ugesi.

Zulu Biza

OLDER POSTS Sentence construction was handled in older posts that are numbered, like Zulu 1, 2, 3, 4, and so on.They will help you understand how we say:

I am ………
She is …………..
He is ……………
They are …………..
We are ………..
Today’s lesson is biza, to call somebody."bi" is a soft -b-, as in milk.  DO NOT pronounce it like: bipartisan bike mike Biza is also used in things, as in what is this thing called? Ibizwani?When you meet peope who speak isiZulu, you will ask them about this and that.Ibizwani?
ZULU ENGLISH Biza u-Sindi. Call Sindi. Biza u-Bongani. Call Bongani. Biza u-Vladimir. Call Vladimir. Biza u-Hema. Call Hema. Uyakubiza u-mama. Ma is calling you. Uyakubiza u-baba. Father is calling you. Sindi, uyabizwa. Sindi, you are being called. Bongani, uyabizwa. Bongani, you are being called. Vladimir, uyabizwa. Vladimir, you are being called.<

Zulu Vakasha

Vakasha is visiting.

In the olden days, when amaZulu lived on their land, visitors were welcomed.They just showed up and were given royal treatment because it was a great honour to have them.Don’t do it now in the year 2017.Please call first to avoid embarrassment.

The first part of va-ka-sha is pronounced as in valve, the middle part as in Karan, an Indian boy’s name, and the last part as in shut.
Zulu English Baya thanda uku vakasha. They like visiting. Ngi vakashele. Visit me. Ngizo vakashele ubaba. I will visit my father. Ngizo vakashela umama. I will visit my mother. Ngizo vakashela udadewethu. I will visit my sister. Uzongi vakashela nini? When will you visit me? U-Shane uvakashele u-Iris. Shane is visiting Iris. U-Lindi uvakashele u-Pedro. Lindi is visiting Pedro. U-Malini uvakashele u-Sanjay e-London. Malini is visiting Sanjay in London.
Nonqaba waka Msimang is the author of the South African novel, Sweetness.

Zulu Phinda

Summer is here.You might fly to Africa, down south of the continent.Let’s brush up your isi-Zulu, one of the languages spoken down there.
Phi-nda means repeat. Phi, as in pills.The second part is a tough one.It doesn’t have an English equivalent.Maybe -nda as, in the English word hand?
Zulu English Phinda. Repeat.Do it again. Mama, uyaphinda! Mother, he is doing it again! Awungiphinde dadewethu. Give it to me again my sister. Awungiphinde sthandwa. Give it to me again my darling. Asiphinde. Let’s do it again. Sizophinda. We will do it again. Musa ukuphinda.Uzodakwa. Don’t do it again.You’ll get drunk. Ngiphindela kudokotela. I’m going back to the doctor. Phindela ekhaya. Go back home. Waphindela e-St. Petersburg.

Book Packaging

Best selling author.That’s right.I should re-package myself and add a trailer to my name otherwise, I will never convince more readers to buy my book.

Seemingly, you folks only buy books by best selling authors.I never used that trailer before because I thought it was based on actual book sales. Let’s leave e-books out of the equation for now, because the best-selling author designation, was born before e-reading.Is that the correct term, e-reading?Never mind.

Sales.Yes.I thought best selling author was about numbers.Author A sold 5 million copies of his last book, followed by Author B with a lukewarm 900 copies. My colleague Mushroom depressed me even more when he said it is also based on countries. What is a best seller in Country A might be peanuts in Country B.
I’m older and wiser now because I know that the best-selling author hashtag is not based on sales, whether it is Ireland or the U.S.Anybody can use it. It is not illegal.I cannot be accused of treason. It is just garnish publishe…

Bank Balance

Getting money from the ATM depresses me big time, and it has nothing to do with my bank balance.

Debit and credit cards have made cash a dying breed in North America, because you can even buy a cup of coffee by tapping plastic on an electronic machine. That’s fine, but some stores don’t take them for goods under $10.That forces me to have some cash money on me.  If I don’t, I dash into the nearest mall and visit an ATM. It’s not unusual to find receipts with balances of previous users.I think the only reason they grab their cash and leave receipts behind, is to freak me out.

I’m not supposed to look at these pieces of paper because they are private property, but some of them have incredible balances, for example $29,000.Forget India’s Ambani brothers, Bill Gates, Oprah or Tyler Perry.They don’t know what a cash dispenser or ATM looks like.

We are talking about ordinary human beings here.How can you have a balance of more than one thousand in your checking account?Did you win the Lotto or r…

Internet Manners

The internet and mama have something in common: manners. They believe that always say Hi! To people you meet. Home is where the heart is, but it is rough being at home these digital days.People are so tied up in chat rooms, Instagram, Twitter, FB, YouTube or Google mania, they don’t have a minute to say hi or good night to people they share a toilet or kitchen with.

Thank god for internet players.They say hi to me when I re-open a document after a thirty minutes’ break.It’s all automated, but it is nice when the computer calls me by my name and encourages me to continue, where I left off. The internet understands that greetings are the definitive ice breaker, before saying mum, I’m hungry or dad, can I have the car keys?

Facebook has taken it to the next level because it understands that I live in a strange province where the weather is a headline story, and not what Prime Minister Justin Trudeau thinks about the Keystone Pipeline, so Facebook reminds me of temperatures going up and down. …

Mobile Phones and Mathematics

There’s something called a self-inflicted wound.I think it means I caused my own pain.I don’t have anybody to blame but myself.

A good example of a self-inflicted wound is the stress about people not returning or ignoring your calls.

‘He is not picking my calls,’ a common line in Yoruba movies. It comes from picking up.Some people say he is not taking or ignoring my calls.

The self-inflicted wound comes from mathematics.Leaving 20 messages on someone’s phone means you are not good in this subject, despite the education your parents gave you.

One + one = two.If someone doesn’t take your call the third time around, it means he or she doesn’t want to speak to you.Period.Just move on and don’t inflict any wounds on your beautiful body and intelligence. Math is also a factor when it comes to weekend fun or holidays.If she doesn’t return your calls about plans for the long weekend, it means that she has other plans to end that week and you are not part of it.Leaving messages on Friday, Saturday …

Data Plans vs Pocket Money

I want to send a text to the Queen of England and ask her to reconsider some of the things that have made her language stagnant.I wanted to say old school but she is not clued up at all with what is trending online or the streets.
Take pocket money for example.Money in general is no longer in the pocket.It is in our fingers.We punch ATM’s and green dollar bills slide out.We massage our phones and send money to kids’ accounts who want it for data and other digital related things.
The Queen must understand that kids do not have money in their pockets, but in family credit cards that parents are paying for, or have their own accounts where their scholarship dollars are deposited.
She must understand that kids do not waste time in bank lines because they are masters of the digital game.Delete that.The queen has never stood in line for anything in her life, so she will not understand that.
Kids do not have pocket money.They have digi-cash.They swipe cards or punch in numbers on their phones fo…

Comfort Food As Regret Food

Comfort food is good for the soul, which usually bleeds in winter from icy roads, bad drivers that want to annihilate pedestrians, frozen fingers and toes that take a sabbatical.What happened to my toes?I thought I was wearing special socks for boots?

We therefore have a right to comfort food which throws doctors’ orders out of the window and has no loyalty to calories.No calculator on the table, thanks very much.Piece of bread 5 calories, half a banana 10 calories, sugar-free cheesecake 2,000 calories.Ah! Ah!  We only live once.

Naw!Comfort food is old school food with its compulsory second helping.It involves licking fingers and giving a big sigh, about the good life, which is shelter, food, love and debt.
The problem is the zip.The jeans remind you that comfort food can also be called you will regret food.Home sweet home is even sweeter in winter after surviving blowing snow and bumper to bumper traffic. What is more welcoming than a pot of beef stew with dumplings on top?The zip is th…

Long Johns And Bus Shelters

Victoria Principal, Lingerie Plus or La-Senza do not stock long johns but they are very sexy in winter.Well! Sexy might be the wrong word.Come to think of it, the right one is survival.

Long johns are a survival item if you take the bus, otherwise you will find yourself sandwiched among 10 people in a bus shelter, who did not have the sense to buy them, knowing full well that they live in a country with a minimum of -20 degrees.
Some of them were too cold to brush their teeth or have a hot shower provided by the local hydro company.Others might have taken some gin and tonic or scotch on the rocks to ward off the biting cold.
People outside the bus shelter don’t have to experience all this because they are wearing long johns, maybe three pairs so they are waiting for the bus outside and just walk around to prevent their toes from freezing.
It is therefore your choice.To long john or not, that is the question.I’m not trying to be Shakespeare or anything.Oh!You call them tights or leggings.T…